Judas
by ravensoulsister
Summary: "I'm just a holy fool, oh baby he's so cruel, but I'm still in love with Judas, baby." Rated M for a reason. Two-shot.
1. Chapter 1

Some of the wonderful lines have been taken from The Black Arrow's "The Blessing and The Curse" and incorporated into this story. All credit for those lines goes to the author. Please read the story if you get a chance, it's fabulous.

* * *

><p>Judas<p>

By: Shay

part 1

He grabbed at her scarlet locks and tugged, a wicked smile on his face as he wound the silky strands around his fingers ignoring her cry of pain and protest.

"You're mine, Evans. And you _will_ do what I say."

"You don't own me, Potter. That was never part of the deal," she hissed at him as he yanked painfully at her hair; she cried out again, tears of frustration sparkling within her eyes as his lips curved into a devious and smug grin.

"Oh, but I do. You belong wi- to me. And no goddamn _savior_ is going to stop that." He sneered as he tugged her closer and Lily wondered if he really believed she was so stupid as to not notice his slip-up.

* * *

><p>June, Fifth Year<p>

"…how am I any different?" Severus' desperate face floated in and out of her vision as Lily Evans turned into the Gryffindor common room, her cheeks blotched, the rims of her eyes a deep red. One hand fisted into her pure, virginal nightgown, she stumbled across the carpet and towards the couches in front of the fire.

"Well, well, well. I thought I was alone, but this is _much_ better," someone drawled from her left and Lily's head shot up, her eyes already narrowing as she recognized the man behind the voice.

"I have _nothing_ to say to you, you-you-" Lily inhaled noisily, shaking with embarrassment as she delivered her best glare to the boy lounging across the armchair nearest to the fire, the flame light dancing across his spectacles and sharp features. They were completely alone and for some reason this terrified the prefect. She wondered if she looked innocent and vulnerable in her pure white sleepwear. As the thought crossed her mind, she crossed her arms across her chest and straightened her shoulders, feigning bravery.

His smirk was wide and disarming; he seemed to radiate arrogance as his feet jiggled to a silent tune and his hands tapped lightly against the armrests of the couch. He surveyed Lily with a raised brow, taking time to run his predatory eyes down her form and back up, resting on certain areas along the way that made her squirm and wish she was wearing something less…flimsy.

"Crying, are you?" he asked bluntly, his eyes dancing with amusement.

"It's really none of your business," Lily shot back reflexively. She paused before taking a step forward. James watched the movement with curiosity, his eyes dark. "I'm sorry. It's just…Potter. Do me a favor, will you?"

James' smile was beatific. "Anything, my dear."

Lily struggled to spit out the words. "Leave him alone," she croaked.

James watched her with mild amusement, his other eyebrow rising to meet the other high up on his forehead. He took more than a second to answer and Lily fidgeted under his tantalizing gaze. "Now, why would I do that?"

Lily sputtered, "But, you just told me-"

"Yes, yes, I did," James said impatiently. He swung his legs over the arm of his couch and sat facing her. She could see his eyes properly now and they were mischievous. His grin matched them, his persimmon lips stretched over a set of perfect white teeth. "But not without a price."

Lily gaped at him. "Are you seriously making deals with me _again_, Potter? After what happened at the Lake?"

James' grin widened. "You bet your gorgeous arse I am."

Ignoring the comment, Lily contemplated. Potter was a prankster. A prankster that never failed to ask her out on any occasion that fate had to offer. If it weren't for the fact that Potter and his friends were so interested in mercilessly bullying her ex-best friend, Severus, also at any chance they got, she might have even given him a chance. He was charming, handsome, talented, and extremely intelligent. He was also cruel, but more on that later.

He would most likely force her into a date, which he had attempted to do a few hours earlier. He had failed, but Lily felt much stronger now. One date with Potter wouldn't make the world come spinning to a stop. So what if he was the most arrogant and rude arse she had ever come across? She could deal with it.

"Name it."

"What?"

"Name your price."

James' white teeth flashed bright in the firelight. "Now we're talking."

James stood up, still in his rumpled uniform garb that he somehow managed to make attractive. The sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and half of the crisp white shirt untucked, he was the picture of perfect disarray. He was tall and lanky but carried a certain grace that made the girls watch him lustfully when they thought he wasn't aware.

But of course he was. And this added to his already blown up ego.

He took a stride towards her, his gaze probing. "How far are you willing to go?" he questioned.

"W-what?" Lily asked, tension and anxiety lacing through her veins and making her heart throb faster.

His answering grin was melting. "Do my bidding for a year. I won't lay a hand on him ever again."

Lily blinked. She had _not_ been expecting that. "What? Not a date?"

James merely smirked. "I've realized that this arrangement is much more…beneficiary to me."

Lily inwardly seethed. She maintained a stony façade. "What will I be doing? Now don't look so overjoyed yet, Potter, I haven't agreed."

"Simple things. Come to me when I need you. Bring me things like snacks and books. Clean my room. Just do what I say. Like a little house elf." He grinned cruelly and Lily resisted the urge to smack him across his pretty face.

"…one year?" _It'll be worth it,_ her mind's voice told her. _It'll be worth it when you never have to see Sev being tortured again. _

"Just a year."

Lily nodded slowly before making eye contact with the bastard. "It's a deal." She held out her hand.

James' eyes sparkled malevolently as he stepped closer, grasping her hand firmly between his larger one. "Deal," he agreed, his lips twisting into a smile.

As Lily made her way up the steps of the girl's dormitory that night, feeling Potter's eyes upon her lower back, she wondered why she was doing all this for a lost friend who had called her a 'mudblood'.

* * *

><p>September, Sixth Year<p>

"Evans, fetch me that book on 14th century goblin wars from the library, will you?" "Evans, hurry up with that inkwell and quill, I haven't got all day." "Evans, I want you to organize my trunk tonight; and fold all my socks; and sweep the feathers from my floor."

It was these simple, mindless tasks that Lily ended up having to do for the smug bastard who usually lounged around, smirking as he watched her, an ever present sparkle in his eyes as his eyes lingered on her bum and breasts as she bent to do tasks.

And Lily, without fail, would straighten up and stare him straight in the eyes, the spark from their emerald depths never gone. "Anything else you need, _sir_?"

He would smile lazily and wave her away. "You're services are no longer needed, Evans. But don't forget, report back here at five o'clock tomorrow."

She never forgot. How could she?

It was the beginning of their sixth year that his demands became more time consuming; fluffing all the beds in the fifth year dormitory, reading aloud to him from their newest Transfiguration assigned readings, and Lily's least favorite, feeding him a variety of cut fruits and delicacies that him and his friends had managed to snitch from the kitchens.

He never failed to watch her. It was unnerving and at times disturbing.

Lily had once made the mistake of attempting to converse with the boy. After all, she was one of the only ones who actually harbored some hatred against him. He was a wildly popular student and made friends extremely easily. She had never understood why, but assumed that behind his evil façade, he was a decent person.

She had been reading him their latest lesson from Charms when she paused and questioned if he had grasped the spell, seeing as it had been a fairly difficult lesson that day.

His eyes had darkened and he had sat up, sending her from the room.

"I have no more need for you today. Report back tomorrow," he told her, sneering, as she left without a backward glance, hastily.

She didn't care to speak to him after that. She honestly did not see the appeal in his personality. How was he so popular? He was about as warm and pleasant as the tundra.

True to his word, the boy had stopped bothering Snape, for which Lily was glad, although she continued to ignore her old friend every time he attempted to approach her in the halls.

She sometimes wondered what Remus, Sirius, and Peter, the rest of the 'Marauders', as they had deemed themselves, thought about her predicament. They had sometimes walked in on James and her, she, sitting on a chair beside the bed where James was carelessly lounging, playing with his snitch or simply staring up into the expanse above his bedpost, and reading to him from his textbooks. They would merely smile, or smirk in Sirius' case, and Lily would smile back timidly. James usually ignored their presence altogether, and if Lily stopped her reading, he would coldly tell her to begin again, from the paragraph before.

Oh, how Lily despised him.

But it was all worth it. She continued to tell herself this. It was all worth it.

* * *

><p>October, Sixth Year<p>

"Lily, he _likes_ you," Marlene Mckinnon gushed excitedly, tugging at Lily's arm. "He likes you, I can tell."

Lily smiled faintly, aware of the dark presence behind her, looming like a constant shadow. "How do you know that? He likes _everyone_, Lena."

They were walking to their Transfiguration lesson and Lena had been attempting to convince her about a certain boy's feelings for her the whole way.

The boy being Nathaniel Felling.

He was certainly charming, Lily thought dreamily. With caramel brown hair and ocean blue eyes, he possessed an angelic quality that most Hogwarts boys didn't. He had chatted with her a bit during lunch break and Marlene had popped in to drag her away, squealing that he had been eyeing her like a piece of meat, in the most gentlemanly way, of course.

Everything about Nathaniel was gentleman-like. From his side-swept golden-brown hair to his shiny black shoes, he was perfection in human form. Exceedingly intelligent too, being a Ravenclaw and a prefect.

As Marlene and Lily reached their designated classroom, Lily contemplated the dark presence behind her and turned to see the devil himself, James Potter, striding forward, not too far away. She trailed her icy gaze on him. When they were in public, she chose to ignore him or treat him with utmost disgust. As he neared, she noticed his devious grin and wondered what she was about to face today at the hands of Satan himself.

"Evans," he called to her, catching Marlene's attention as well. "Sit with me today."

Lily's jaw dropped. "But-"

He stood a foot from her, his eyes sharp as knives. "Evans."

_It'll be worth it._

She closed her mouth, swallowing convulsively, which he took to mean acceptance, for he grabbed her by the arm, carting her into the class behind him.

As they sat a few seats from the back, she turned to give Marlene an apologetic glance, but the girl had turned to join Dorcas Meadowes at the front. Lily turned back to her desk partner with a glare.

"James, why'd you ask me to sit with you," she demanded. "Why."

He ignored her completely, his eyes unfocused, but staring straight ahead to where Professor McGonagall taught.

Why, why, why, why, why resounded in her head like the beat of a drum for the duration of the lesson, but she never looked at the boy beside her again.

* * *

><p>December, Sixth Year<p>

"Lily," he murmured against her lips, his voice as warm and smooth as butter. She melted in his grasp at the single word and felt him press his soft lips to hers again. She sighed into them, wrapping her arms around his broad frame. He pulled away and Lily cracked her eyes open, peering at his oceanic eyes through thick lashes. He chuckled nervously, clasping his arms around her waist. "Lily, I think we should stop before this becomes far from innocent."

Lily laughed, unraveling her arms from around his neck and placing a tender kiss to the corner of his mouth. He clasped her hand in his, smiling the whole while. "You're right, as always."

They began their walk to the Great Hall, enjoying the pleasure of each other's company. Lily wondered how on Earth she could be so lucky. Nathaniel was every girl's dream. He could have anyone in the school and he had chosen _her_.

"You're fantastic, you know," Lily told him as they entered the Great Hall, wrapped up in their own world. Lily didn't need to look around to know that all eyes were probably on them. Nathaniel smiled his classic smile.

"As you are," he said sweetly, pressing a kiss to her temple. She smiled, her eyes fluttering close, before she felt something unsettling and painful within her chest. Opening her eyes quickly, she looked up at Nathaniel, but his expression had not changed, joyful and calm, as he led her to a spot at the Gryffindor table.

She looked past the faces of her friends and acquaintances eating their lunch and paused at the end of the table. The feeling in her chest expanded, until she felt she might explode.

There he was, the devil himself, James Potter, lounging against the bench and watching the two of them seat themselves, his striking face split into a wicked grin looking like a King with no crown as his mates laughed raucously around him.

Nathan applied some pressure against Lily's wrist, a whispered question, as she remained standing, staring in Potter' direction where he continued to laugh, mocking her, and she shook her head, taking a seat beside her new boyfriend. She would deal with Potter later.

What could he possibly do?

* * *

><p>"Absolutely not," she repeated firmly. She felt like pulling out her hair. Why why why why why why <em>why<em>?

Potter played with his snitch, releasing it and allowing it to fly forward before snatching it back into his grasp with skilled agility. Lily felt just as entrapped as the little snitch, watching it flutter helplessly in Potter's large hand.

His dark eyes gaze upon her coolly and he ran a hand through his hair. "Now, Evans. You've come so far. You wouldn't want to ruin all that now, would you?"

Lily considered. "No, I won't do it."

James leaned forward so fast she barely saw the motion. "So, say tomorrow, a certain greasy Slytherin finds some dung beetles in his soup…" He grinned. "How far are you willing to go?"

Lily made a strangled noise in her throat and James leaned back satisfied, knowing he had effectively cornered her.

Instead of assent, she questioned him. "Why? Why now? Is it because of Nathan? You want me to break up with him?" her voice broke slightly at the end and James looked up, irritated for some unknown reason.

"You can have your precious Nathan," he mocked. "I never said you had to break up with him." He smirked. "Just do what I ask."

Lily was angry. "But that's cheating, you bastard!"

James clucked his tongue reprovingly. "Language, dear one. And besides, it's not cheating. A harmless kiss between two friends." He spread his arms wide, as if welcoming Lily into an embrace, but his eyes remained cold.

Lily fumed. "First off, you are not my friend, and you will never be." James dropped his arms, smirking at her anger. "Secondly, it _is_ cheating. Kissing someone other than my significant other-"

"So?" James interrupted lazily, tossing the snitch in the air and catching it. "It's not a big deal. And the best part about all this is you're actually considering it," he said knowingly, his amusement visible.

"I have to, you rotten boy, my friend-"

"-who isn't your friend anymore," James reminded her cruelly. "Why do you insist on protecting that little sleazeball anyway? The son of a bitch hasn't done anything for you. He even called you a mudblood if you've forgotten-"

SLAP.

The red print across his cheek and his face, which was slightly angled away from her, was the only sign she had ever laid a hand on him. She had moved back so quickly, recoiling, that he barely had enough time to react.

Slowly, he turned his head back to her, eyes glittering dangerously. He watched her for a few seconds, the determined expression on her face unwavering.

Suddenly, his voice broke the silence.

"Kiss it better."

Lily blanched. "W-what?"

He stared at her with his dark eyes. "Kiss it better, Evans, or you are fired, and I can assure you that Snivellus will never have a peaceful night or day again."

Lily moved forward, and quick as a wink, and kissed the rapidly forming bruise across his cheekbone before moving downwards and pressing her lips gently to his. A quick spurt of electricity shot through her body at the contact, and she shivered, feeling sudden warmth course through her body and wondering why why why. He stiffened and she pulled back, clambering off his bed, where he lay, and staring at her shoes.

"Will that be all, sir?" she asked desperately hoping it would be.

She was aware of every movement he made; the slight adjustment of his crossed legs that lay sprawled across the mattress, the hand he raised to run through his hair, the slight clearing of his throat that seemed to echo throughout the dormitory.

"Yes," he said finally, and Lily almost let out a sigh of relief, "Yes, that will be all."

She left without sparing him a glance.

* * *

><p>January, Sixth Year<p>

The mittens she wore were no match for the icy cool gusts of wind that rushed into the Entrance Hall as Lily waited patiently for Nathaniel to go on their date to Hogsmeade. It had been a particularly cold winter this year and Lily was dressed appropriately to face the tempest, in a red swing coat and knitted tights that stretched around her long legs and protected them from the chill. She heard a voice calling her name from behind and turned to see Nathaniel approaching, wearing an ensemble that consisted of different shades of white. He seemed to glow as he approached her, and her smile was face splitting.

"You look beautiful," he said truthfully, as he neared her, kissing her on the cheek once before wrapping her up in his warmth and leading her down the Entrance Hall steps. Lily took a few steps before stopping, having noticed the rowdy foursome of boys that was rapidly approaching them. The first to look up was James, adorned in all black, slacks, coat, leather gloves and all, and he grinned deviously at the sight of the two of them.

"Well, if it isn't Beauty and the Beast," James leered, nearing them upon the steps. "Out for a day in Hogsmeade?"

"That's the plan," Nathaniel confirmed, his face a mask of calmness. Lily stood two steps behind him, staring at James icily. James stared back, his grin never fading. He stepped forward, or upward, in Lily's direction climbing the steps towards her.

"You're a lucky bloke, Felling. She's a hot piece of arse, isn't she?" Lily felt rage flare up inside her. He was about two feet away from the redhead, who was debating what to do, when Nathan placed a hand on James' chest, pushing him back. James stumbled backwards slightly but didn't break eye contact with the redhead witch.

"Now, now, James," he laughed, his expression jovial. "You know I don't share."

James who had stiffened imperceptibly at the hand, smirked lightly. "Of course." He sneered at the two of them before beckoning to his friends and climbing the rest of the stairs alone.

As Nathan led her away from the scene, Lily couldn't help but turn James' words over and over in her head again, seething.

That smug, disgusting bastard.

* * *

><p>March, Sixth Year<p>

"I'll see you," Lily breathed, kissing her boyfriend in farewell in front of the entrance to Gryffindor Tower. He smiled in reply, nuzzling her cheek, before releasing her and allowing her to enter the Tower to attend to James, unbeknownst to him. It was a little past five o'clock and she knew that James was strict about punctuality, although the prick never practiced it himself.

Lily climbed the remaining stairs to the fifth year dormitory before stepping in, finding it empty except for, of course, the brooding boy that lay within, wearing his Quidditch uniform, and looking extremely annoyed.

"Where have you been?" he questioned furiously. "Never mind, come here right now." She hurried forward, not wishing to test his patience today, when she was tired and just wished to return to her dorm. He stretched his arms over his head and resumed his glaring.

"Tramping around with your _angelic little boyfriend_-" here, his voice became breathy and high, mocking her, "-were you?" She ignored him, unlacing his Quidditch padding and his shoes, as was the usual drill on Quidditch practice days. He watched her do this, and seemed to calm down a bit, for a second later he spoke and his voice was soft.

"What a good servant you are, Evans. You'll make a fine little wife someday." As if this idea repulsed him, he turned his head away as Lily continued unraveling the ties on his boots, with a little more force than necessary.

"No wait," James said as Lily moved away to put the padding back in his trunk. He plopped onto the chair beside his bed and stared at her lazily through half-lidded eyes. "Give me a massage."

"A what?" Lily asked nervously and James rolled his eyes.

"A massage, Evans. Are you stupid?" He pointed to his back and raised his eyebrows at her dubiously.

"Prat," Lily murmured under her breath, stepping behind James' slack figure and resting her small hands on his shoulders. They stood tense and broad and when she ran her fingers across them in preparation, she could feel the strength and the muscles, most likely from his years of Quidditch training.

"Make it fast," he breathed. "Don't be gentle."

Lily glared at a spot along the dormitory wall and knead into his shoulders with sudden force causing James to yelp and whimper slightly as she released him. Feeling increasingly victorious as she listened to his soft sighs and vulnerable noises, she pressed down harder until her fingers ached, wishing upon him as much pain as possible.

It was about a minute or two into the massage when she heard him release a moan. It was throaty and slightly choked and Lily slowed her fingers, inhaling sharply at the noise. There was a pause as she waited for him to direct her back to his shoulders and he lounged, completely still.

The moment never came.

And suddenly, Lily was flying, being pulled fiercely into James' lap where she lay in shock, gaping up at his dark features. She squirmed, attempting to escape from his grasp but his hands merely tightened around her waist.

"Let me hold you," he ordered in his strong dominant voice and Lily stilled, glaring at him with bright eyes tapered into slits.

He stared at her for a few moments, cradling her to his chest in a gesture that was surprisingly tender for such an arrogant brute. She dimly wondered if he usually treated the girls he dated this way, holding them to him, watching them with his ever-intelligent eyes. The thought made something deep in Lily's heart pang with sharp pain.

As Lily wondered how long she would be clutched in this possessive embrace, James bent his head slightly and spoke softly.

"Straddle me." Lily froze in his arms, a pretty sculpture of warm limbs and soft red hair and the blood rushed to her face, making her cheeks burn. If she hadn't been so caught up in her panicking, she might have noticed the way one side of his mouth tilted upwards at her blush, his eyes turning slightly soft behind his spectacles.

"WHAT?" Lily shrieked furiously, before clearing her throat to rid the shrill quality it had taken. She once again squirmed against him and he clutched her closer, smiling coldly.

"Do it, Evans. What have you to lose?"

"Every bit of respect that I ever had for myself!" Lily practically screamed, before stilling in his arms as his lips curved upwards in a sinister way.

"So, not much then."

She slapped him, then: once across the arm and a few times on his chest. He merely held her, laughing his unearthly deep cackle and allowing her to bruise every inch of his body, or what she could reach anyway. She felt her eyes burn as she sat up slightly attempting to squirm out from underneath his arms. As she did so, He lifted her up with ease, so that she was sprawled across his lap, her arms pinned to his chest, her face a miniscule inch away from his, their noses practically touching. She was practically melted into him, the way she was positioned, her knees on either side of his thighs, her arms restrained against the muscle of his abdomen, her eyes drowning in his. For some reason, they breathed heavily, both their lips parted slightly, noses inhaling. She breathed in his sweet, almost spicy scent and wondered what it would feel like to press herself closer to him, to allow his spicy cinnamon scent to envelop her whole. He had somehow managed to slip his hand beneath her pristine white shirt where it slithered up her back and stroked at the smooth skin there. His eyes closed for a moment before he opened them, the depths, previously a warm molten hazel, now icy steel.

"Get out of there," Lily muttered sharply, trying for anger and jerking her shoulder back so as to get rid of his cold hand.

He merely looked amused now, sliding his hand down her back, trailing the lining of her uniform skirt with his lithe fingers. "Don't be mean, Evans. You're so warm." He leaned closer, his thumb curling under the band of her skirt, as if to remove it.

Lily yanked back fiercely, her expression rough as she managed to stumble off his lap and a few good feet from the chair he was sprawled on.

He was lounging against the chair as a King would recline upon a feather bed, nonchalant and utterly delicious. Lily registered in the back of her mind that his lips looked as though he had just been kissing.

He peered at her from beneath his eyelashes, taking inventory of her shabby appearance; the askew skirt, mussed up hair, and crinkled white shirt. He noticed (with delight) the blush that flooded her cheeks. "Lily, come back here," he said darkly.

She ran from the room as fast as she could.

* * *

><p>The day after the event, Sev had been bombarded with owls that carried balloons of bubotuber pus that dropped upon him, drenching him in the nasty substance. Laughter resounded throughout the hall, people chatting about how absolutely fantastic the prank had been, wondering who had been behind it.<p>

But of course, they all knew.

Lily searched the Gryffindor table for his familiar dark countenance, stopping when she saw him, his elbows propped against the table, one of them holding his chin up. He was watching her as usual. There was a threatening glint in his eyes, coupled with a smirk hovering around his lips. When he saw her watching, he gave her a playful wink.

She understood the message.

She was never to disobey him again.

* * *

><p>June, Sixth Year<p>

As the days grew closer to the end of her year as a slave, James grew more agitated. Some days, he would charge into his dorm, his face the picture of stormy fury ordering Lily about with his barking voice. Some days, he would slink around, his eyes calculatingly cruel as he told Lily to do tasks that made her feel dirty and disgusting such as reading to him from his lessons, perched upon his lap like his little whore as he claimed her with his arm wrapped around her small form. It was these days that Lily feared the most.

The exams were coming to a close, and so was her sentence, and Lily could not be happier. The days passed by quickly, the stress from her exams making her forget the days.

On the last day of their deal, Lily attempted to steer clear of James for the majority of the morning, enjoying peaceful solitude.

It was the last day of Quidditch as well and Lily, for a change, decided to attend the match, the final one between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw. Gryffindor hadn't lost a single match since James had become Captain and were pretty much guaranteed the House Cup, but it would be an exciting match nonetheless.

Clutching at Nathaniel's hand, she dragged him to one of the highest bleachers, excited for the upcoming match. He laughed and told her to slow down, not once sounding out of breath, and Lily tugged him along, relentless.

The match began and Lily and Nathan curled into each other, his arm around her. It was almost perfect, the two of them, their heads pressed together, forever sharing a secret, their eyes bright from the excitement, following the players' every move.

It wasn't until halfway through the match that a group of seventh year boys climbed up the stairs laughing loudly, and overall being unpleasant. Lily glared at each of them in turn before turning back to the match. Unluckily for her, one of them seemed to notice.

"Got a problem, ginger?" he sneered. Lily turned to him, her eyes icy, but Nathaniel was the one who answered.

"Nothing you need to concern yourself with," he said expressionlessly. "Move along, now."

The leader of the group turned to his friends, smiling slightly. "I don't think I will. But thanks for the suggestion," he mocked. He peered around Nathaniel's form and his smile broadened. "She really is a pretty one, isn't she?"

Nathaniel's arm tightened around her at once. "That she is."

"See? You agree. So you understand that we're a little…intrigued. Its not very often you find a red-haired beauty like this one." He swaggered closer, his eyes predatory.

He never made it past the second row of bleachers towards them. A monstrous black shape flew into him, sending him sprawling across the bleachers, screaming in pain.

James Potter sent each boy a glare that would rival the devil before sending his fist flying into the nearest boy's jaw.

"James!"

Lily realized that she had jumped up and screamed his name over the wind, enough to halt any sort of game that had been attempting to be played. Everyone watched as James turned to her, his messy hair falling in a disarray over his forehead and eyes, his spectacles slightly crooked. Lily felt like reaching up and righting them, wiping away the perspiration from his brow and smoothing his hair back, trying to relieve the pure wrath in his eyes. He made eye contact with her for a moment before turning back to the few boys that remained standing. He grabbed the nearest one by the collar of his shirt, dragging him closer and whispering words in his ears, fierce and warning.

The boy shook with all his might, his eyes darting in confusion between James, Lily and Nathan, again and again and again until all Lily could see was the rolling of his eyes.

"I don't get it," he sputtered after a moment. He backed away after James released him, shaking his head slightly. "I don't get it," he muttered again, before turning away and jogging down the rest of the bleachers.

Throughout this, Nathaniel watched the scene with displeasure. He took Lily's hand and led her along behind him. Lily stumbled behind him, down the bleachers. She turned around once, watching James as he seemed to shrink slightly under her gaze, his fist bloody his eyes unregretful. He lifted his chin infinitesimally, as though challenging the girl. She said nothing, leaving him behind.

* * *

><p>At five o'clock sharp, Lily walked across the Quidditch field, feeling the grass crunch beneath her shoes and watched James fly circles around the field, high above the air. They had lost the game, on account of James' unacceptable behavior, but nobody was particularly saddened by it, seeing as they had won the cup anyway. She shielded her eyes from the setting sun and watched his graceful, divine form for a few seconds. He paused in the air for a few seconds and she realized he had seen her. Slowly, she turned and walked into the Quidditch changing rooms wondering what James she would have to put up with today, on their last day. Would he be wrathful, ruthless and harsh or sly, heartless and demonic? She would soon find out.<p>

Lily stood near the locker, which she knew to be his. She knew that he usually practiced Quidditch well into the night after a match and she respected his dedication to his passion. As she waited, her mind bestowed her with images of the past year, all the moments they had had, his cruelty and her submission and thanked her stars that it was finally finally _finally_ over.

The soft sound of grass crunching beneath boots alerted Lily to James' arrival and she waited patiently. She was glad for the sound, for he usually somehow managed to glide into rooms, like a phantom, graceful and lithe, managing to make no sound at all.

As he entered the changing rooms, he stopped short at the sight of her, standing beside his locker, a bag swung around her shoulder, a thoughtful, almost timid expression gracing her lovely features. She didn't smile when he entered but James could swear that her eyes lightened the slightest bit at the sight of his face.

As Lily surveyed his muddy attire and sweaty disposition, she stepped forward, awaiting her commands. There was something different about him today. She couldn't tell exactly.

His hair fell over his eyes and his broomstick was swung carelessly over one shoulder. He had removed all his padding but his uniform remained, fitting over his broad form like a second skin. Lily's cheeks burned red at the thought and she looked away, almost shyly.

James' eyes darkened at her blush. As she turned her head to look at him again, she saw that he had dropped his broom and he was clenching and unclenching his fists at either side of his body. His jaw was strained and he seemed to be inwardly debating with himself.

His eyes lost their icy look and turned to molten hazel, a deep mix of brown and jade. He swallowed convulsively, squaring his shoulders.

"Kiss me."

Lily stood still staring at him. He hadn't asked her for a kiss since that day so long ago when she had first gone public with Nathaniel. She didn't know why he asked her such things, why he believed that she was one of those snitches he always stole after games to play with. She wasn't stupid; she knew he didn't give a damn for her on an emotional level, unless his love ran deep enough that he felt no pain in mercilessly torturing her constantly. He loved to fuck around with her and she was terribly sick of it. She wasn't a toy, and she wasn't his, no matter what he believed.

"No, James," she retorted, sounding tired and sad. "I'm not doing this with you. I have a boyfriend-"

James snarled, stepping closer. "Don't bring him up in front of him. That bastard doesn't even know how to protect the honor of the girl he's with. He's a fucking ponce and _you're settling_!"

"What?" Lily gasped, aghast. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"It has to do with everything," James yelled, the air around them crackling with his incredible anger. "It has to do with the fact that you're not even giving yourself your best chance, you're just settling; idiotic little Lily Evans, white picket fenced house, baking fucking cookies and cooling pies on windowsills, wanting to wear a white veil and be a little fucking princess-"

"And so what if I want all those things?" Lily screamed, not caring that her voice could probably be heard a million miles away. She felt detached from Hogwarts, farther than she actually was, the beloved castle unavailable to shelter her from James' energy that seemed to radiate visibly from him. "What does that have to do with _you_ and me _kissing_ you?"

He seethed. "Why'd you do it?" he asked, his voice laced with poison.

"Do _what_?"

"Start dating him!" he hissed, towering over her and blocking the light. "Why the fuck did you start dating him?"

"I _love_ him!" Lily shrieked back, her tiny hands curling into fists beside her.

James jumped back, as if electrocuted, and laughed, his hand running through his hair repeatedly. He appeared to be trying to frame a coherent sentence. His face managed to look both mirthful and menacing.

"Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck," he repeated. "I can't believe this. You actually believe you _love_ him?"

Lily scowled, incredulous. "I _do_, and what would you know about that?"

"Just that you've somehow managed to convince yourself that you love him because he saved you." Lily recoiled back and James grinned maniacally. "Oh yes, I know everything about how you think he was your savior, and maybe he was or wasn't, but _that doesn't mean you love him_!"

"What do you know about love?" Lily said, her voice shaking. "You know nothing. You deceitful, sadistic _demon_!"

James smirked lightly, and Lily realized just how close they were, about a foot apart. "I may be a demon and he may be a god, but that doesn't change the facts."

"What. Facts," Lily spat at him, anger radiating from her every pore.

"The fact that you're repaying him for his kindness by pretending to be in love with him! I may be the devil himself, but at least I'm honest-"

Lily slapped him across the face, a scream rising with her. Hot tears of anger streamed down her porcelain cheeks as again and again, she slapped and punched at his chest. Finally, when it seemed as though she might rip in two, she slouched against his frame, a sob stuck in her throat, seeking the comfort of his arms, his warm arms that always seemed to make her fit perfectly against him.

He held her to him and whispered in her ear. "Kiss me."  
>She looked up at him, glaring. "This again."<p>

He looked exhausted, dark circles beneath his beautiful eyes, and Lily took pity on him for a second, wondering if he was a lonely person beneath that cruel façade. "Please, Lily."

Lily leaned against him, burrowing into his warmth. They had grown closer with their time together, without even realizing, and she knew that a year ago, she would never have allowed herself to be caught in this position with him. He was cruel and insane and immature and self-centered but he was also passionate, charming, loyal and she had come to see him as a sort of acquaintance. She didn't want to ruin that.

"Why?" she asked him once again.

He didn't answer. He leaned closer. "How far are you willing to go?"

And for the first time, Lily leaned forward to meet him halfway. "As far as it takes."

Their lips met in a hot, open-mouthed kiss that sent Lily's head spinning and veering off of its rational course. The pleasure was indescribable; his lips were warm and anything but gentle, tasting of something spicy, like cinnamon or peppermint. They nudged her lips, prying them open and she allowed them to, his hot tongue exploring her mouth, their teeth clashing together, careless and lustful. His delicious lips expertly nibbled and toyed with her own, making her moan breathlessly against him, her back arching, her hands wrapping around his neck. She saw fireworks beneath her eyelids, slow and languid, as if watching them explode in the night sky in slow motion. He sucked her lower lip between his slanting his mouth across hers and scraping his teeth across her plump bottom lip. She shuddered and gasped for air frantically as he groaned desperately, nudging his hips against hers.

She pulled away, snapped back to reality. "No, I can't do this."

James was persistent, pressing kisses along her jaw and neck and moving down to suck on her collarbone. She weakly attempted to push him off. "Why not? It will be a delightful experience, I promise you," he purred provocatively, dragging her black bra strap down with his teeth. She pushed him away and slapped his cheek.

He laughed evilly, unfazed. "You must know by now that your hitting has absolutely no effect on me. I'll always come back for more."

Lily crossed her arms, barely restraining herself from jumping into his arms and bringing that delicious bottom lip of his back into her mouth. The taste of him lingered in her mouth and she licked her swollen lips, aware of her straining nipples and the goose bumps that decorated her body. "That's what I'm afraid of."

James grabbed at her hair, allowing the silky tendrils to slip between his fingers before he tightened his grip and pulled her closer, smiling wickedly.

"Let me make this easier for you," he drawled. "If you don't do this, I will harm Snivellus. I will harm Felling. I will harm all your friends and tell them you were behind it all."

Lily's jaw dropped. "You wouldn't."

James smirked. "You're right, I wouldn't." His smile broadened. "_If_ you do what I say."

Tears sparkled in Lily's bright eyes, those beautiful eyes that people never failed to comment on and she choked back a cry of pain as James jerked at her hair expectantly. "I hate you," she hissed.

He smiled, cold and virulent. "I know."

He kissed her, then, with reckless abandon and anxiously, almost desperately, began to tear at the skirt of her uniform, as if she might change her mind at the last minute. Salty tears slid down her cheeks.

This is rape, she told herself as James succeeded in pulling her skirt down one hip, revealing lace that wrapped around her, which he toyed with. This is rape and he wouldn't get away with it.

"I hate you," Lily gasped out as James nudged his hips against hers again, pressing into the warmth. She felt her stomach flip over, the slight wetness of her panties as she succumbed to lust.

"I know," James grunted slightly, tearing at his own shirt impatiently. "I've known forever. Since first year."

"Yes," Lily hissed out in pleasure and pain as James bit down upon her collarbone, shuddering as he licked the wound. "Since first year. You confuse me."

"Do I?" James asked, his voice deceptively light as he panted. "How?"

"Everything you do," Lily retorted, allowing him to push her against the bench that the back of her knees had met prior. He bent down as she caught her breath, words spilling out of her mouth, tumbling to his ears, as he carefully and methodically removed every button upon her uniform shirt with his teeth. "You- you're so…cruel."

"Hmm," James hummed as he unbuttoned the last of the buttons, revealing Lily's expanse of smooth, flat tummy and round globes of soft breast. He groaned, tugging at the sleeves of the shirt and Lily allowed them to be slid off her shoulders so that she was left with her modest black bra. The sight of it seemed to draw James into a frenzy and he pressed kissed along her collarbone, lowering to the valley of her breasts. "Go on," he growled. "Tell me everything."

"You tortured my best friend," Lily said, her voice breaking slightly and James paused in his ministrations, enough to look up at her, his face a blank mask. "I don't know how to forgive you for that, where to start…"

"You don't need to forgive me," James cooed, returning to the curve of her breast and pressing hot kisses against it. His irritation flared at the bra that covered her beauty and he swept his hand behind her, in a smooth fluid movement unhooked the bra, and practically ripped it off her chest, sending it flying across the changing room. He gazed upon her, his eyes hungry, and allowed himself a moment to simply appreciate the sight she was, squirming beneath him on the bench, her red hair sprawled around her, her eyes vivid as she finally told him the secrets of her mind that he wished he could know.

He pressed a kiss on the perky mound of her breast, around where her heart might be, and allowed himself a teasing lick, just shy of her nipple, as she shuddered under him, whimpering slightly.

"I like your anger. Your cheeks turn the most beautiful, deep shade of red and your eyes glow like emeralds." He looked up at her and bestowed her with a crooked grin. "I'm not going to lie, I think I might enjoy your lust just as much though." He smirked with smug satisfaction and Lily's skin glowed a magnificent shade of red, starting in her chest and rising to her cheeks, practically slithering under her flesh. James watched the motion with pure unadulterated fascination. "Well, I haven't seen that one before."

"Obviously," Lily countered, pulling at his soft strands of hair as he followed the trail her beautiful blush had made up her chest, neck, and towards her lips and cheekbones. He lingered against her lips and pressed himself hard against her, allowing Lily to feel the hardness against her thigh, the solid proof that this was affecting him as much as it affected her. She blushed again and James smiled against her lips, pushing his tongue through her soft, pliable lips, past any barriers or resistance. Lily's words rushed out at once.

"I always thought you hated me," she said in a fast manner, breathing sharply as James' warm and electric fingers pried at the waistband of her skirt. With her nipples pressed against his hard chest, and her skirt slowly but surely sliding down her leg, she felt she might explode with the raw intensity of her feelings. "You may not have deliberately tortured me as you did Sev, but you did in different ways."

"How so?" James questioned as he kicked off his shoes and began to unbuckle his pants. She watched him as he did this, laying beneath him, a languid figure, her breasts rising and falling, her lips persimmon, her breathing faint and her eyes half hooded. She was so painfully beautiful and real; it broke James apart.

"You asked for stupid things like kisses and straddles- and _this_," she gasped out as James successfully removed his belt and pants, stepping out of them, his lean legs beautiful as he crouched over her once more, both of them only in their underwear, the warmth and tension palpable. "Why do you do that?"

"Because I want to," James answered simply, moving downwards downwards downwards until he reached her hot center. He nipped gently at her knee and she squeaked. He smiled, moving provocatively inwards and up her thigh.

"But-why?" Lily managed to ask, writhing beneath him as he peeled away the last barrier between them with careful precision, his eyes ravenous, his tongue flicking out to lick his lips.

"You're beautiful," he said instead, ducking between her thighs and suddenly there was incredible pressure everywhere and she felt something hot and wet and experienced swirling around her clit. His tongue licked and sucked at her, enjoying the way her hips rose at the spark of ecstasy it created.

"You're so-" Lily panted, letting loose a wanton noise that made her blush from what seemed to be head to toe "-cruel. So cruel." She tugged at his hair, groaning and whimpering in turn as she neared her release. James pulled his tongue out just before she could experience her first orgasm and grinned at her. "Cruel," she said, moaning, but he was quick to replace his tongue with his finger, working slowly and methodically, stroking her g spot. She lay trembling beneath him, eyes unfocused as he smiled wickedly, inserting a second finger, hitting her rough patch, and finally allowing her to freefall over the edge. She tried to grasp at reality but it was slipping steadily from her mind as she arched her back and shuddered beneath him, the pleasure of his touches hitting her like a wave. When she opened her eyes once more, she found him watching her, his eyes devouring her soul, feeding on the delicious sight of her.

"You make me feel trapped," she managed to say between hot breaths. James' expression crumbled into something that she finally realized was vulnerability and a surge of pain swelled like a balloon within her heart. She lifted a hand and pressed it to his warm, pink cheek and he placed his own hand over it, thankful.

"I know that," he whispered. "And I'm sorry. There's something about you…you just make me want to trap you."

"That's messed up," Lily told him. He chuckled hoarsely.

"I know it is. I just…can't help it. It's addictive. I'm not like this around anyone else."

James reached into his pocket and pulled out a condom, a silent question, and Lily shifted her body slightly, a silent assent.

"Why do you have that, anyway?" Lily asked.

James' answering grin was breathtakingly sinful. "You never know when you might find a girl you're willing to corner." Lily glared at him from beneath her lashes.

"Have you always been such a horrid boy?" The question was rhetorical but James answered anyway.

"Always," he said, swirling his tongue around her puckered rose nipple and _feeling_ her moan and arch softly beneath him. "Only when it comes to the things that belong to me."

Lily's pant of 'more' made him grasp at her other breast, rolling the taut nipple around in his thumb and biting gently down on the one he was devouring. He spoke between nibbles and licks. "My first broom. Wouldn't let anybody touch it. My mom took it to the store to be trimmed and waxed. I burned her set of finest china, completely on accident of course." He lifted his head, his grin wolfish. It slid off his face as he contemplated. "And then there's you."

Lily rolled him onto his back in a sudden, fierce movement. "I don't belong to you," she growled, pressing kisses down his chest and stopping just above his heart.

James laughed breathlessly, enjoying her domination immensely. He ran his fingers up her bum and back, stopping at the curve between her shoulder blades. "I'm a cruel boy, it's true. But I'm an honest one. And you are mine and have always been."

"I'm not," Lily murmured, repeatedly pressing hot little kisses to his heart area. "And I know you aren't as cruel as you say you are."

"You are," James countered. "And I am just as cruel as I know you think I am." He hitched her legs around his waist and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her down so that they fell into a tumbled heap on the grassy floor of the changing room. He crawled between her thighs, hitching her leg up around his hip, a wicked look in his eyes, as if he had been waiting for this moment all his life.

"Slowly," he muttered huskily as his cock pressed against her entrance, huge and warm. She gasped lightly as he pressed against her, shutting her eyes, feeling him watching, always watching.

"Look at me," he whispered and she did just that, her eyes fluttering open, feeling him slide deeper into her. He groaned out. "Fuck, so fucking tight."

She cried out, clawing into his shoulders as pain coursed through her, her barrier ripped through, her pureness gone. She gasped for a moment as she shifted her hips, feeling his hard, thick length inside her.

"Talk to me, talk to me," he whispered, running his straight nose along her jaw, needing a distraction from the feeling of her hot tight center stretched around him as he waited for her body to adjust to his size and waited for his heart to stop exploding out of his chest.

"Nathaniel," she gasped, feeling small with her sin, the guilt kicking her in the heart.

"Don't mention his name," James growled out, twisting his hands into her hair. "You're mine."

"I'm not a toy for you to play with and cast away, James," Lily whispered, breathless with pleasure. "Be nice to me."

"I-can't," James managed as he slammed into her and she arched back as his fingers trailed along her spine.

She watched him as he watched her, the two of them, one whole piece, fitting together like a puzzle. He thrust into her lazily, his hands playing across her damp skin, urgency building within them.

"Faster, please," Lily gasped out, squeaking in triumph as James slammed into her, a lopsided grin present on his lips, his eyes wild.

"You like that?" he questioned, panting. Her answering moan was all he needed to hear.

He thrust into her, quickening his pace, but still holding back slightly. He pulled out almost entirely before plunging in again, making her shudder and squirm.

"You will never do this with anyone else. I'm your first and will be your last. You are _mine_."

She closed her eyes as he lost control. He gathered her up, sliding her ankle up to his neck to deepen and intensify the sensation. He panted open mouthed against her calf and his grinding hips brought her to the edge again, sending her effortlessly shimmering into sensation.

"Give in to me," James hissed, barely audible. His body shook with passion and exhaustion as he braced himself over her, the six years of yearning and lust blasting through him like a storm. The fathomless beauty of her heart; the only good thing he had ever wanted. Life was nothing without her. He had always known this and this perfect moment, where they were one, sharing the same pleasure and completely open and vulnerable before each other, he felt at peace. She felt him convulsing endlessly, the guttural sound in his throat making her tighten around him in response, making him quiver.

Lily panted for breath on the ground as James slid out of her, stumbling a bit on his knees and falling onto the ground beside her with a muted thud. They lay in silence for a few minutes, the chirping of crickets and the sounds of their beating hearts forming a soft cacophony of noises. After a moment, James lifted his head slightly turning to look at her. She stared straight up ahead. She allowed him to kiss the base of her neck and pull her petite form toward him. She said nothing as he trailed light kisses along her jaw, pulled her hand up to his mouth and pressed sweet kisses on each finger, each joint. She closed her eyes as he reached around for his Quidditch cape, pulled it towards them, draped it over their sweaty, naked bodies, and curled his form around her own, shaping them together like a perfect puzzle.

"Mine," he whispered, and she felt wetness upon the back of her neck, wondering if he was crying. "All mine." He hoped, as he laid his hand across her heart, that she would walk towards him, not turn back and leave him alone.

She said nothing as his breathing slowed and he fell asleep and as she cried silently, completely aware of the mistake she had just made.

She silently wondered when it had stopped being about Sev and had become about her.

* * *

><p>When James awoke a few hours later, it was dinnertime, just past eight o'clock. The warmth of Lily's body was missing and he felt around for her, disoriented and tired. When he realized that she was truly gone from the vicinity, he sat up, rubbing at his eyes and taking in his surroundings. His mouth lifted in a cruel lilt as he remembered the activities that had been taking place just hours before. Slipping into his uniform, he left the Quidditch rooms in search of the redhead.<p>

As he approached the Great Hall, his friends surrounded him, asking him where he had been, telling him they had been worried, but he barely heard their words. He heard nonsensical phrases tumbling from his own lips, trying to reassure them, telling them that _they had finally found each other_, that _he had done something right in his life for once_. Sirius, Remus, and Peter looked confused as they followed his unstable form in to the Great Hall. What was he talking about, they asked. What did he mean.

James stopped short at the doors to the Great Hall.

There she sat. She was laughing at something her friend was saying, her face a beautiful mixture of pink and rose and cream. She tossed her flaming red locks behind her and smiled, perfect white teeth sparkling in the light beneath the rosiest of lips. Nathaniel Felling pushed her hair over her shoulder and pressed a kiss to her neck, almost exactly the spot where James had been kissing her, merely hours before.

James stumbled back, his eyes wide, his heart clenching in agony as he witnessed the sight; she smiled happily at her boyfriend, pressing a soft kiss to his lips before turning to the entrance to the Great Hall and freezing, the smile sliding from her features as she saw James, frozen in time and frozen within the murky unrealistic drowning he felt as his chagrin took over.

She watched him for a moment as he watched Felling play with her tiny hands, his eyes darting back to hers. She wondered what he was thinking; what she wouldn't give in that moment, just to know what he was thinking.

His face was blank for a moment; until, his lips pulled upwards, his eyes darkened to an almost black, and his expression bordered on cruel. Lily watched, eyes wide, as he winked at her, before turning away and out of the Great Hall in a few careless strides.

* * *

><p>EDIT: Concerning reviews I received about a 'Rape Warning'. This story is not rape. It's <em>not<em>. I'm not in denial. I am not being an idiot. Lily knows what she's getting herself into. Throughout the whole story she knows she is, if not in love, yet, she is in lust and willingly does what James says; he knows this too, which is why he uses it to his benefit and makes his demands. Lily is a strong, powerful witch. You don't think she could have hexed the fuck out of him for touching her in the wrong way? She's in denial, which is why the line "This is rape," runs through her mind.

The point of this story was to create a James that I would hate, but absolutely _love_ hating and end up loving, despite his cruelty, something similar to Lily's own train of thought. A James where his only redeeming characteristic is his passionate, irrational, completely overwhelming love for Lily. Also, I heard Lady GaGa's song and got inspired (sheepish face).

I'm not terribly proud of this story. I spit this story out at a time in my life when it wouldn't get out of my head and I was tired of having it revolve in there and sicken _me_. I'm sorry if this story bothers anyone; my intention was for you to hate it and love it as much as I do, so if you did, my goal is complete.

To those who are rape victims and saw this story as such- my heart goes out to you and I want you to know that I do not, in any way, shape, or form, support that sort of abuse or even an abusive relationship. James is cruel and an idiot and Lily is in denial and a bit of an idiot herself. That's what this story is about.

If you're reading this as rape…you're reading it wrong.

Have a good day, everyone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Judas**

**By Shay**

**part 2**

* * *

><p>As he sat on the velvet sheets of his dormitory bed, awaiting his answer, he thought about her.<p>

She was too kindhearted to be harsh. What would she say, he wondered. What would be her reaction to the note that he had been so reluctant to deliver? Would she come? If she didn't, how would she react when they were required to meet at their prefect meetings?

He ran his finger across the bristled velvet, his fingers trembling as the intensity of his feelings, the painful, raw clenching at his heart, took over his body and soul.

As he waited, the last few seconds of the hour ticking by at an unbearably slow pace, he pondered existence without her- she was his life, meaning, and purpose.

He allowed himself to be doused in the rejection as the clock chimed seven times.

He brought his head into his hands and, finally, cried.

* * *

><p>August, Seventh Year<p>

"So Head Boy, huh?" Sirius asked dubiously, holding the gold badge up to the light streaming from James' window and watching it glint off the engraved letters 'HB'.

James grunted from his position, lying sprawled across his bed, his spectacles resting loosely upon his long nose, his eyes vacant.

Sirius grinned. "What was he _thinking_?"

James sat up slowly. "Who?"

"Dumbledore! Making you Head Boy. Does he want Hogwarts to go to the dogs?"

In a startlingly smooth movement, James had snatched the badge out of Sirius' hand. "I don't want to talk about that," he said coolly, hurling the badge across the room so that it ricocheted off his mirror and landed on the floor with a thud, rolling in place.

Sirius looked at his friend reproachfully. "Prongs, don't be a baby."

James sucked in his bottom lip before releasing it slowly so that it formed a slight pout. "I'm not."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "It _is_ a lot of responsibility though. Especially now that you're Head Boy _and_ Quidditch Captain."

"I don't care," James said bluntly. "I'm not doing it."

Sirius was silent. He spoke slowly. "I guess…I guess it's your choice."

"Damn right it is," James snarled. "And no mad old man is going to force me into a decision that _I didn't sign up for_!"

"He obviously thinks you're the best man for the job!"  
>"I'm <em>not<em>. I never thought I'd say this-ever- but I am definitely not the best man for this job. Nathaniel bloody Felling would make a better Head Boy than me."

Sirius considered. "Felling would make a good anything. He's-"

"-perfect," James finished, bitterly. "Believe me, I know." There was a moment's pause and then he snorted.

"What?" Sirius questioned.

"Abso-bloody-lutely nothing," James muttered, lying back down on his bed.

"What about Evans?"

James stilled, but said nothing. Sirius continued.

"Are you still talking to her?"

"Why would I talk to her," James spoke in a monotone, his nonchalance carefully practiced.

"Well…maybe because the two of you were practically attached at the hip all last year!" Sirius stated obviously. "What's gotten into you? Did you two have a row?"

"No," James said, sighing impatiently. "No… we weren't really friends, ever."

"You can't expect me to believe that." At James' serious face, the handsome boy reeled back. "_Really_?"

"Yep."

"Oh. But…" The air tensed as James awaited the question, the same question that he knew the Marauders were thinking every time they saw Lily sitting on James' bed or reading to him. "…Do you still…like-"

"No," James interrupted firmly. "No, I don't."

There was silence between the two friends as they both contemplated, separately, what this meant and what was to happen next.

"It doesn't matter anyway," Sirius said gruffly, slapping his friend on the shoulder and moving across the room the pick up the fallen badge. He held it up to the light once more. "So, Head Boy…"

James grinned. "Déjà vu."

Sirius snorted.

As they stood on either side of James' large bedroom, the mood lightened somewhat, Sirius turned back to his friend with a curious smile.

"Say, who's Head Girl?"

And as he asked it, he watched as James' head whipped around, his posture tense, his eyes meeting Sirius' with a somewhat darkened dread that filled the room with a tense air once more.

And Sirius understood two things. First, that James had lied.

And second- that Lily Evans was Head Girl.

* * *

><p>September, Seventh Year<p>

She felt him before she saw him. The hairs on the back of her neck prickled, her whole body stiffened and she knew. She turned to the compartment door and saw him leaning against the doorframe like the arrogant toerag he was.

She nodded. "Potter." _James._

A wicked smile blossomed onto his previously pensive face and he stepped forward, tooclosetooclose

"Lily," he murmured, and her breath caught. His head moved to rest in the crook of her neck and Lily wondered why she wasn't moving, wasn't breathing- "You look _beautiful_."

Biting her lip, she pushed him back, her small hand on his chest, and he allowed her to put the distance between them, stumbling backwards with a malevolent laugh.

She remembered why she hated him.

"James," she reprimanded gently. "Please." She turned away, feeling his eyes always on her, always always always. "It's over. It's…all done. I'm not your toy anymore."

She could feel him shift slightly before sinking into the seat across from hers. She wondered how she was going to survive the next few hours with him in this damn Head compartment.

"You never were," James mocked, his lips curled in a sneer as he watched the scenery fly by outside the window.

Lily sunk into her own seat in front of him. "Well, I'm glad you've finally realized."

James almost smiled. "I could have you if I wanted you," he told her.

There was a pause as Lily crossed her ankles below the seat, feeling uncomfortable. "Well, it's a good thing you don't, then," she said finally.

James raised his brow. His eyes were darkened with his sins as he smirked.

"Don't I?"

* * *

><p>October, Seventh Year<p>

Lily woke up, gasping for air, with the taste of James on her tongue.

This wasn't the first time she had been not so innocent with him in dreamland. Lily ran a hand over her face, feeling frustrated. Why couldn't he just _leave her alone_?

Pushing aside her bedsheets, she slipped out of bed, moving across the room to the pitcher of water that sat on the ledge by the window. She poured herself a glass and began to think.

He was a good Head Boy. Not perfect. Not amazing. He came when called, he did what was told, but he still caused trouble and he still watched her during meetings.

If she were being truthful, it was the watching part that bothered her the most. Nathan had begun to notice.

"Who spit in Potter's porridge this morning?" Nathan had asked her the day before, curling an arm around her waist after he had kissed her in greeting after the prefect meeting. He walked her to dinner, looking back occasionally, where Lily knew James was sulking along.

"He's usually upset about one thing or the other," Lily sighed, leaning into Nathan's shoulder. "Why. What was he doing?"

Nathan's brows furrowed in adorable confusion. "_Glaring_."

Lily lifted her head from its comfortable position. "What? At me?"

"No," Nathan said, looking back once more and narrowing his eyes. "At _me_."

There was silence as Lily ingested this new information. Nathan broke it, practically bursting with the need to please everyone-

"Did I do something wrong, because I'll go apologize-"

"No," Lily said firmly. "You didn't do anything. Unless you were the one who emptied your salivary glands into his breakfast," she joked.

"Talking about Potter?" Marlene asked breezily, joining the two of them. "He's been an awful grouch lately, hasn't he?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean if his countenance isn't dark enough, he has to go around glaring too."

"He's glaring at you too, now?" Lily asked aghast. "That porridge must be soaked with spit, then."

Marlene gave them questioning looks as Nathan and Lily both laughed jovially, entering the Great Hall.

Lily tucked this disturbing news into a pocket of her brain for later perusal, promising herself that she would step out of her comfort zone to confront James if she had to.

* * *

><p>"James, this needs to stop," Lily declared the next morning as the two of them sorted through patrolling sheets and detention slips. She placed her hands on her hips for emphasis and turned to him, enraged that he didn't even bother looking at her, continuing to sort through his stack of parchment. "James, look at me."<p>

He stopped riffling through the sheets and paused, eyes on nothing in particular.

"James," Lily sighed, moving to him and kneeling in front of the chair he was lounged across. She grasped at his hand. "We're friends right? Friends tell each other things right? Tell me why you're glaring at Marlene and Nathan."

"We're not friends," James hissed, snatching his hand out of her grip like it had been burnt. He stood up as fast as lightning and moved away. He laughed shortly, running a hand through his hair. "Friends," he mocked, before laughing again.

Lily swallowed slowly, her heart sinking in her chest, and rose to stand as well. "Fine, we're not friends. Though I would've thought that after everything that happened last year-"

She stopped as his livid eyes turned to hers. "What? You thought that just because we spent time together we were suddenly mates? Think again, little Lily. You're nothing but my little slave." He leered at her.

Lily's eyes turned to emerald stones and she straightened. James relished the sight, his sneer growing pronounced at the sight of her delicious anger. "Don't be a jerk, Potter. And stop glaring at my friends. They're finding it creepy."

James turned away, so that his broad shouldered back was all she could see.

The loss of the sight of his angered eyes lessened Lily's own infuriation and she stepped forward. "Fine then. From a fellow Head to another- why are you glaring at them?"

James didn't answer at first, but he sighed, his shoulders slumping as if the weight of the world were suddenly upon them. When he turned around, Lily noticed how tired he really looked.

"Marlene has my favorite quill. My mum gave it to me. Eagle feathered, embroidered with gold. Tell her to _give it back_," he said through gritted teeth.

Lily was stunned. "That's why you've been glaring at her? Merlin, Potter, you're such a child!" She laughed a little bit, but noticed the tension in James' shoulders and paused. "And what about Nathan?"

James took a few steps towards the door, as if to leave, and Lily opened her mouth to protest-

"He has something of mine too," James said, turning once to look directly into Lily's eyes, before setting off down the hallway.

Lily felt her heart beat quicken.

* * *

><p>Marlene returned the quill the next day.<p>

James never looked at her again.

As Lily felt the warmth of Nathan's hand encompassing her, she felt the cold feel of the demon's eyes upon their backs.

When she turned to give him a glare of her own, she saw that there was a girl on his lap, latched onto his face, their limbs entwined.

Removing his tongue from the inside of the girl's willing mouth, he turned and shot Lily a harsh grin before capturing the girl's lips once more.

Lily felt as though she had been punched in the gut.

* * *

><p>November, Seventh Year<p>

Her name was Helena and she was terribly pretty.

She had dark brown hair and eyes of almost the same shade and she was a sixth year Ravenclaw with some of the best grades in her class.

"It's getting pretty serious," Lily overheard her telling some of her mates as they made their way to sixth year Transfiguration. "It's been hard to crack that bad boy image, but I think I'm actually getting to him!" Her friends, of course, cheered her on and giggled with praise but Lily shook her head, smiling wryly.

That wasn't an image. James was a cruel, deceitful villain straight from a children's storybook. All he needed was the pointy tail, the horns, and the sharp teeth.

His messy hair could pass for horns, if they stood at the right angle, Lily thought with a mental laugh. And sometimes, when he smiled, he definitely had the razor sharp edge to those pearly whites.

Chuckling under her breath, Lily shook her head. There were similarities and then there were _similarities_. His dark appearance meant nothing. Not that it mattered. Why was she pondering this in the first place?

Lily curled a finger around one of the longest strands of her scarlet hair and sighed as she turned around a corner into a corridor that- Lily reeled back in shock, feeling herself blush from head to toe- was very much occupied.

James slammed the girl's back into the wall, his large hands running all over her body, clutching, grasping- Lily shuddered.

He had her trapped against the stone; one of her long, gangly legs was wrapped around his waist, supported by his hand, which squeezed at her thigh. He pushed against her, and she gasped and his tongue was in her mouth and his tongue was in her mouth and his tongue was in her mouth.

Lily stumbled backwards, feeling her heart race beneath her fingers, feeling a churning in the lower part of her stomach (oh God, she was _not_ turned on by this) and feeling strangely drawn to the erotic scene.

That had been her, she realized. Last year, that had been her.

Her movement must have caught his eyes because he peeled his lips away from Helena's and blinked blearily, a right side different from his usual clear, vicious gaze. "Lily?"

Helena's lips remained attached to his face, moving across his cheekbone, rosy red, so far succumbed to lust that she hadn't even heard him utter the redhead's name.

She could see the expression on James' face, the gears in his brain working furiously past their muddled state. As Lily began to see a hint of his evil smile touch the corner of his lips, she turned.

And ran.

And ran.

(And ran.)

* * *

><p>He broke up with Helena the next day.<p>

* * *

><p>December, Seventh Year<p>

_Meet me on the third floor corridor, near the statue of Gudrick the Gay._

She thought and worried and pondered and questioned until her lip almost bled with the applied pressure of her teeth.

She wasn't his. It had been a week since his breakup and though he had never really stopped watching her, he did so unashamedly now, his eyes lingering and then _lingering_ before he smirked and left her feeling dirty and used under his gaze.

She wasn't his. What could he possibly do to her?  
>Everything, her mind breathed in reminder. He could do everything. As much as she hated to admit, he controlled her somehow. Trapped her. Wrapped her up in his sins. Released her with a swift tug of malice. And somehow always caught her, once again trapping her.<p>

Lily bit down on her fingernails, her hand clutching tightly at the note that had been stealthily slipped into her bag earlier in the day. She clutched harder and it ripped slightly down the middle.

She made up her mind.

* * *

><p>"What do you want?" Lily asked, her hands on her hips, pressed tightly against the material of her uniform.<p>

He smiled, wolfish and completely devious. "I knew you would come," he told her, dragging her behind a tapestry.

"James!" It was dark but she could still see the outline of his smirk and the glow of his eyes. "What has gotten into you?"

He seemed so happy, his laughter bubbling up like vicious acid lava. "I could ruin you," he told her, realizing with great joy to power he held over her. Trapping her, as always.

"What do you mean," Lily asked, deadpanned.

"I could ruin you. Destroy you. Annihilate you," he said with relish, enjoying the words coming from his lips, drunk with his power. "You're relationship with precious Nathaniel lies in the palm of my hand." He bent down and ran his lips over Lily's jaw, feeling her tremble.

"What do you mean," she said again, her voice merely a faint wavering breath. She felt emotions coating the words. Fear. Hatred. Lust.

"I could walk out of here right now," James said. He captured her lips with his and sucked gently, releasing hers and licking his own ravenously. "Right this very minute. I could leave you here all breathless and disheveled and beautiful-" Lily stiffened beneath him- "and I could tell him what happened last year. I could destroy everything." He licked at a tender spot on her neck and she shivered, holding his shoulders for support, her knees weak, wondering why she wasn't stopping his ministrations, why her eyes were fluttering shut, her head tilting back, allowing him more access, why the feel of his wicked smirk on her smooth flesh was making her stomach churn with desperation.

He nudged his hips against her anxiously and she gasped and felt for the wall behind her. She was soon slammed against it, his lips trailing down her neck, his fingers deftly undoing the buttons of her pristine white collared shirt.

His lips tickled at her chest, his tongue flickering out like a serpent's, tasting the delicious creamy flesh. Slowly, James eased her breast out of her lacy black bra, capturing her rosy nipple in his teeth and sending her over the edge, her head thrown back as she bit back a moan of pleasure.

"You can't control yourself around me," he breathed, the vibrations of his words against her nipple making her squirm. He sucked and suckled and pulled and licked and finally, when she thought she might just explode, she pushed him away, tucking her assets out of sight and buttoning up her shirt with agility. He smirked as she trembled and her foot slipped slightly against the stone floor. He stuck his hands in his pockets. "And you're terrified of that."

Regaining her footing, Lily glared, pressing her shoulder blades hard against the stone wall until they ached. "What do you _want_?"

James leaned forward, as if sharing a secret. "I. Want. You." He leaned back and laughed, shoulders shaking terribly.

Lily frowned. "You don't. You're lying. You hate me."

James' laughter cut off abruptly as he glared viciously. "Shut up!" he hissed. "Don't assume you know what I feel because you don't." He ran a hand through his wild hair and visibly bristled in fury. "You don't know at all."

Lily shook her head. "You're right. I don't." She made to move past him, but he grabbed her forearm, bringing her near his tall, towering frame.

"You can pretend he's your savior however long you want, but you'll be bored soon enough," he spat.

She said nothing.

"Or I could make this easier for you," James said with a sadistic grin. "How far are you willing to go?"

Lily yanked her arm out of his grip and turned on him, her eyes ferocious. "For _what_?"

James blinked. His expression as cold and calculating as the day she had spoken to him besides the fire of the Gryffindor Common Room, he spoke the words she had been yearning to hear since. "To get what you need."

Lily stepped away from him, crossing her arms. "I don't need anything."

"So you wouldn't mind me telling Nathaniel exactly what happened last year after the Quidditch match?" James asked, an eyebrow raised in feigned curiosity.

Lily met his eyes with hers, cool and collected. "Be my guest," she challenged.

James snarled as she turned away, only taking a moment to collect herself before stepping out from behind the tapestry, her face the perfect façade.

* * *

><p>A few hours earlier…<p>

It was much more wet than she had expected. There were so many tears and much ado about mucus and phlegm and snot. She inhaled noisily as Nathaniel (oh, Nathaniel) ran his hand up and down her back.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her eyes glimmering with tears. "I'm so sorry, I should've told you. I just didn't want to lose you…" The unspoken 'yet' hung in the air and Nathan took a deep breath.

"You do realize what this means right?" He was the picture of calm, his eyes betraying his sadness, but only slightly. He smoothed out the flyaway hairs on Lily's head as she rested her cheek upon his knee, her arms wrapped around his leg.

She nodded, almost like a little girl being punished for her sin, and cried harder. She wished she could tell him how much he meant to her but how it wasn't enough and how it had never been enough and how there was something (someone) else that _was_ enough

"You were my savior," she said instead and his hand moved to rest upon her head, warm and comforting and she realized that he was forgiving her, just like that.

She breathed in shakily. "I'm only sorry I couldn't be the same to you."

* * *

><p>"So, the Beauty finally broke up with the Beast, eh?" James called to her, in front of what seemed like millions of people. She stopped and turned to face him, never afraid, never backing down. She could see Severus lurking out of sight behind the crowd and she suddenly felt very tired.<p>

"Shut it, Potter," she snapped waspishly. "And for your information, _he_ broke up with _me_."

James began to grin, dragging his front teeth along his bottom lip. "That's exactly what I was insinuating."

The laughter of her peers followed her up to her dorm and resounded in her head all through the night as she wondered why exactly she walked in circles, always back to James Potter and his demonic traits.

* * *

><p>January, Seventh Year<p>

Christmas break passed without event and January approached, promising a grand birthday month. The Gryffindor girls dolled themselves up for a weekend out in Hogsmeade and Marlene, who was curling her hair with her wand, peered at the head Girl through her mirror. "Remind me why you're missing out on the first Hogsmeade trip of the semester?"

Lily rolled her eyes, a faint amused smile on her red lips. "Essay, Lena. Bring me back a bar of Honeyduke's finest, I'm going to need it." The blonde kissed her on the cheek, agreeing, and Lily set off to the library.

A few hours later, she had completed the essay, and was silently pondering whether it was too late to join her friends in Hogsmeade. As she stared out the window, the snow fluttering to the ground like crystal sugar, students gallivanting around the grounds, horseplaying, she felt, rather than saw, the presence of _him_.

"Little Lily Evans," his mocking voice uttered as he slid into the seat across from hers. She didn't look at him, staring out the window. _Just go away._

"All alone without her perfect precious Nathaniel to comfort her," he sneered.

Her hands tightened into fists. If he noticed, he didn't comment.

"Too prideful to go to Hogsmeade without a date, were you?"

In the back of her mind, Lily realized that maybe she should be fighting back. _I had an essay,_ her mind bristled indignantly but the words were lost on the way to her lips.

"Look at you. You can't even look me in the face and admit that you're just a little cheating bitch." Lily clenched her jaw.

She could see him from her peripheral vision, the disgusted visage coupled with the teasing, almost playful smirk on his lips. "You're not even worth it."

She found her voice as he stood up to leave. "I am worth it," she barked, her voice raising an octave, shimmering with emotion. She could see him stop and smile wickedly, as if bracing himself for the fight. She turned to face him and the tears streamed down her face as he watched and watched and watched.

"Wait," James said pointlessly. He ran agitated fingers through his hair. "Lily, what is your problem?" he hissed.

"My problem is you," she shrieked, standing up, almost knocking the table over with the force of her thighs. "You can't fucking leave me alone can you, you always have to come back poking and prying and testing my limits like your testing the temperature of the water." She sniffled before continuing, her blurred eyes masking the emotions that were clouding up James' face. "I'm so sick of it all, you arrogant bastard, and I really am not willing to go far, ok?" Her eyes were widened with a sort of terrible panic and James felt his heart break. "I'm not willing to go far and I don't need anything and I certainly don't need you so will you just-" she choked on her spit or the goddamn air or something, she didn't even know anymore, she was too far gone "-please, please, please leave me alone?"

Before she knew what was happening, he had grabbed her by her arm and had pulled her into the very back of the library, between dusty aisles that nobody came to.

"Stop it," she said, pulling her arm out of his grip as her tears finally came to an end. She looked up at him from beneath wet lashes. "I'm tired of you."

"I'm sorry," he whispered harshly, his hands running through his mess of hair, making it stand up, as though electrocuted.

"For what, exactly?" Lily asked sharply. She was done with him. She was done with his games, his mind-fucking, confusing, tiring games and she was most certainly done with James Potter, the fucking devil incarnate that had come to haunt her from Hell. "For ruining my life, my best friend's life, or my first serious relationship? Or how about all those times you made me feel like a dirty whore?" She inhaled and blew air through her mouth chuckling bitterly. "If you're going to start apologizing, this is going to take a while."

He said nothing, merely leaned back against the bookshelf, watching her with his cold eyes.

She shook her head. "I hate you, James Potter."

He smiled, and it was almost genuine. "I know."

"You make me feel dirty," she whispered. He kicked himself off the bookshelf.

"I know."

"You always try to trap me on purpose."

"I know." He was merely a foot away now.

"You hate me." She said nothing else, trembling as James' arms flexed on either side of her head. He laughed cruelly, leaning forward.

"You are such an idiot," he told her, capturing her lips with his.

It was just as indescribable as she remembered. Pleasure and pain ground into one as James nibbled on her lips and toyed with them, his tongue flicking out to taste and probe and lick and explore and _oh_. She released a breathless moan and she could feel his half-smile and soon there were words, tumbling from his lips and into hers.

"…worth it," he muttered, grinding her against the bookshelf. "You are so fucking worth it and I'm going to make you feel so alive, you won't remember a single name but mine."

She gasped and arched against him, her hands tugging at his tumultuous hair.

"Look at you," James panted, breaking away from her lips for a moment, his eyes running over her like a starving man seeing his first meal in a month. "Red hair, red blush, red dress- you're like my heart in human form, the goodness that I could be." He licked and sucked just below her ear and she held onto him, her knees shaking. "I don't feel anything, but when I'm with you, I feel too much- it's surreal," he said, moving his lips to hers and deepening their kiss. She shuddered against him.

"There's nothing I want more than you," he whispered huskily against her lips. Lily stiffened. He noticed. He pulled away, allowing her to breath. "You have it," he told her, breathless with lust.

"Have what?" she asked, just as breathless.

"My heart," he said, sliding his nose along her jaw before stepping back; he was giving her a choice, she realized. "It's somewhere in there, you're holding it for me and I don't think I can ever get it back."

He was giving her a choice. Her bottom lip trembled and she ducked her head, moving past him and out of the library, leaving a fallen man behind.

* * *

><p>She received the letter a few days after what had happened in the library. It had found its way into her school bag with her books and the messy, cursive scrawl that spelled out her name made her hands tremble.<p>

She instantly realized whom it was from.

Her hands shaking a much as her heart, she tore the envelope open, allowing the letter to fall onto her bed. Picking it up cautiously, she breathed deeply and began to read.

_Lily,_

_You've always represented the good to me. _

_Protecting those below you, never failing to be nice to anyone, even those who never considered being nice to you, believing in inner beauty before outer._

_I suppose I should explain myself._

_It must be true that, as you are good, and we were enemies, I must be bad. And it must be true because I have done many, many bad things._

_I can still remember your pure visage when you stumbled upon me that day (it seems so long ago) in the common room and we made our deal. It was the worst and best mistake of my life._

_You were so sad that day and I was so rotten. I think I may have realized that I was never going to get a chance with you. I had royally screwed it up and even one date could not prove your judgment (arrogant toe-rag and all) wrong. (Mostly because you were right.)_

_I told you once that I had always been a cruel boy. It's true, as well as the fact that I've always believed that you should be walking towards me and nobody else. In my head you were mine, I had claimed you, and even at the age of eleven, I knew exactly how I wanted this story to end._

_I think I can fairly say that I've messed up both our stories._

_Maybe I could have changed. Maybe I should have apologized more and took you out to butterbeer and settled for friends as any normal bloke might have done._

_But I couldn't. I still can't. The idea of beings friends with you is repulsive to me. I don't think I could stand there, pretending to be happy for you, as you dance into the arms of another. _

_You are probably wondering why I'm sending you this letter, which is more of an inner rambling page out of my mind's journal._

_I have to end this._

_I'm mean. I'm cruel. I could continue to fuck up your relationships, mess with your mind until you're left a dizzy, beautiful mess. Until all that's left is the two of us._

_But I can't. For fuck's sake, I can't watch you cry anymore._

_Especially when I think there might be a possibility of an us._

_Please. I need to know. These games; they worked for me for a long time, and I know they worked for you, but you're tired of them now, just as you said, and maybe I'm tired of them too._

_I know you. You're so kind, so gentle, so sweet. You'll let me down in the nicest way if this wasn't what you wanted._

_But I want reality. So please, if there is a chance of an us, please come to the seventh year dormitory at seven o'clock._

_If there's no chance, then don't come. I don't want your pity._

_I know that we're from opposite ends of the spectrum; good and bad; but I've never questioned what I felt._

_Because though there is good and bad, there is also right and wrong._

_And this feels beyond right._

_With that, I send my best wishes._

_I love you. (And please don't ever doubt that.)_

_James_

The paper was heavy in her hands as she set it back onto the bedding, her chest racking with dry heaving breaths. She ducked her head into her hands, holding it there, wishing for strength, wishing for mercy, wishing that she wasn't always thrown into situations where she had to make the hardest choice.

She cradled her head in her hands, and began to think.

* * *

><p>James closed his eyes against the onslaught of tears and the calloused feel of his hands. He should have known. He was an idiot for even getting his hopes up. As his tears dried upon his fingers, he curiously gazed down at the wetness. He smiled. It seemed fitting that he would cry for the first time over Lily Evans after she had shed tears a countless number of times over him.<p>

James welcomed the pain.

* * *

><p>It was seven-oh-two.<p>

Lily hugged her knees to her chest.

He was disgusting, vile, arrogant, cruel, vicious, wicked, and terrible.

He was loyal, charming, passionate, and he drove her absolutely insane.

Oh, God. What the devil was she supposed to do now?

He drove her to the brink of insanity. He was confusing. He enjoyed toying with her and her emotions. He didn't give a shit about anyone.

He loved her.

He _loved_ her.

She could never wrap her head around him. He had never done what was best for her.

It was seven-oh-three.

She was a confused, trapped, frightened little animal around him.

She was also a desired, beautiful, loving woman around him.

He was a challenge. She needed one.

They would fight like crazy. She craved their fights.

He would never be gentle. To hell with gentle.

He loved her.

She loved him.

And with that she jumped off her bed and raced out of her dorm, her hair flying behind her like a raising flag of victory.

* * *

><p>"James?"<p>

The boy looked up from his fingers and struggled to breath. She was here. She was standing there, just in front of him, breathless, her hair messed up and windblown, her uniform askew. She had never looked so perfect.

"You came," he croaked.

She nodded, stepping towards him. "I did." She watched as he processed this information. She moved around the bed until she was kneeling in front of him. She took his hands in hers and he seemed to jolt back to life.

"B-but-" he stuttered. She could see the bags under his eyes, the tear tracks going down his smooth cheeks. She brushed them away tenderly.

"I can't resist any longer. If I do, I might explode. It stopped being about others a long time ago. It started being about us." She clutched his hands tighter in her smaller ones. "I'm willing to go all the way. For you." James laughed incredulously as the first hummings of belief worked their way into his system, making him tremble.

"Why would you want me? I'm an irritable prick. I'm cruel and insatiable and you'll hate me by the end of the week."

"I know." Lily paused, before leaning forward and pressing her lips to his, delicate as a flower. She blossomed into a blush under his intense gaze. "But I love you."

She pulled away slightly to look at him, unresponsive as he was, and she felt him shake beneath his fingers, his joy palpable as he practically vibrated beneath her palms.

"You love me," he whispered, incredulous. "You love me."

"I love you," she agreed, and suddenly her lips were once again upon his, as he cradled her face, whispering her name like a prayer. He pulled her up onto the bed beside him, shifting so that she was sprawled across him, her heart beating in sync with his.

She tasted like home.

"I will do everything I can. Whatever it takes." He took a deep breath. "I will change."

Lily intertwined their fingers, holding his hand, a symbol of unity.

She kissed him. "Don't."

He stilled.

And the whole world seemed to be watching as a furious blush rose to her cheeks and he smirked wickedly against her lips.


End file.
